Got milk?

I'd sort of forgotten this story, but a friend* reminded me of it the other night.

I was interviewing for a job at a bed and breakfast. Rather than a formal office, it took place in the owner's apartment, which adjoined the B&B. As we chatted, the owner's four-year-old daughter watched cartoons nearby.

At some point in the course of the long, rambling interview, the little girl walked over to the mother and started pawing at her. I thought the girl just wanted attention because we'd been talking for quite awhile. But then the mother said, "Oh, she's just hungry. But I'm not going to do that while we're talking."

I think I still didn't understand what she meant. So I said, "Oh no. That's fine," thinking she'd get up and make a sandwich for the kid in the adjacent kitchen while we continued our conversation. But she wasn't talking about peanut butter and jelly or alphabet soup. Nope. She was talking about breastfeeding. I finally realized this and of course assured her it was completely fine. But what am I supposed to say, "No, let the kid starve"? So after my continued reassurances, she whipped out her boob. She breastfed two or three times, which was a bit awkward and distracting during an interview, but I survived.

Now let me intercede for a moment to say that I support breastfeeding (if a woman is capable of doing so). The benefits for the mother and the child are well-documented.

My question is what about biting? That child possessed a maw full of razor-sharp teeth connected to a strong jaw. Women, please take a minute to contemplate that: rows of tiny, calcium-fortified teeth like a miniature metal bear trap ready to clamp down on your unsuspecting nipples. You've heard of Freud's vagina dentata? Well, this is just dentata, and it's a helluva lot scarier.

*Thanks, AB!