Dating Advice

I would've thought these things were obvious, but I was sorely mistaken.

So, a little online dating advice for attempting to snare the Ricapants:

-Do not just write "Hi. How are you" unless you want "I am fine. How are you?" as a response. C'mon, you can at least glance at my profile and ask a simple, substantial question about its content. Or go with something basic like: "This weekend, I'm excited about doing X. What are your plans for the weekend?"

-A brief "Hey there" or "You are beautiful" will not elicit a response.

-Do not start contact with the following messages:

• "Submissive?"* (that's all that was in the msg.)
•  "Hey, I'm not from here, but I'm in town for an impromptu trip and was wondering if you'd like to get together."* (translation: I'd like to get laid while I'm in town.)
• "You turn me on. Let's f*** hard."*

-Don't have all of your pics be with your ex-girlfriend.

-Don't ask to be FWB and then say, "It could be fun" when I refuse.

-Sexting is not suitable courtship behavior.

-Take a little time to fill in your profile a bit and add a few photos. Without those pieces, I assume  that you are hopelessly lazy and/or are a twelve-year-old boy just messing around.

-Profiles with shirtless pics, pics with a motorcycle, pics of other body parts, and pics with dead critters will not elicit a response.

*real messages that I've received